11-25-2024 - re:ssurection

concerning the recent revival

been having difficulty formulating how i want to approach this, and the paralysis has led to somewhate of a dead site.

then again, itd be embarrasing to plaster the name on the door and not be capable of a little necroposting. et voilà. as an added measure, wordpress has also received the axe, and from its remains* we have this frankensteins' nightmare of a website. double et voilà. the free-stitched nature of this stupid idea is exciting, though. it feels all the more appropriate. lending itself to rapid alteration, re-alteration, and the occasional complete immolation to make way for a new revival.

becuase life is all parrelels and serindipity, in the time since my last update ive also managed to change my own real life fundamentally in nearly every way. im still a somehwat highly ranked fortnite player**. still the loving partner to my boywife and mother of my feline children. aside from that, however, ive managed to:

have my 27th birthday
helped a dear fried move from home to their new state
be laid off from my corporate tech position
move back in with my parents
learned enough about arch and lua to rice 2 old laptops***
get another job working at an outdoor produce stand
made a portfolio site and ordered business cards
quit that job to sign a new lease in another state
saw my favorite idol group live****
spend nearly 2 months unemployed until answering a craigslist ad for a corner store chain
started a bullet journal

that feels like the long and short of it, though im sure there are some morsels here and there escaping the swiss cheese that is my brain. and some things that im still tumbling around the cheesebrain, too unformed yet to even memorialize on this thing. ideas im too uncomfortable to publish without drafting and revising and editing, which is why im starting here instead: a raw breifing on my most recent hiatus. stick around, you'll see im known for that type of thing

the last 7 months have been uniquely difficult but manageable. ive not been fond of change for some time now, but something about uprooting your life 2 or 3 times in a calendar year has a freeing effect. one of those catch-the-wave-or-institutionalize-yourself type vibes you and i know about. its hard to describe the feeling as "good", but there is a strange comfort in it. im lucky enough to have had the resources to stay housed, fed, and medicated, which go a long way in preserving sanity. and while there was certainly a fair share of days spent wallowing in self-pity and mid elo fortnite lobbies, for the most part, the wheels feel like theyre moving forward for the first time in a long time. i dont really know what im doing or even necissarily what im working towards. and like most things if i think about that for too long i get shit-brick terrified. but for now just being around feels like enough.

all my love,
✮⋆˙ ☠︎︎★shiv★☠︎ ✮⋆˙

*along with the plunders of a neocities template raid
**hovering around Gold 1 as of the latest season. they have yet to achieve such great heights as Chapter 4 so i dont play as much :/
***originally ressurected a 13yr old HP Envy for a HTPC with Mint (now on EndeavorOS), and after sacrificing that machine, arch linux on a Thinkpad T560. added a 4gig ram kit, and spent the better part of 5 months dicking around with awesomewm
****dog Atarashii Gakko rules so fucking hard. so fucking hard dog.